Apparently you make a good broom.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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