well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
