she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
