So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
