so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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