Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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