Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
