Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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