he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
