you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
