last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
