we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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