Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
