you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
