I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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