we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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