remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
