went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
