Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
