this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
