Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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