He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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