remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
