i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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