Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
