So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
