my being single is dangerous.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
