Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
