He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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