...so i touched it.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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