bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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