she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I understand Curling. That high.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
