it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
