So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
