69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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