I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
