How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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