I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
