I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
