You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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