I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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