Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
