I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
