Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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