He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize
