He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
