We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
