btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
