Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
