It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
